Beautiful Disaster
by NessaYume
Summary: For XthelasttoknowyouredeadX as the 250th Reviewer on Focus. Don't know how to summerize this..   After Mello hears L is dead, and never picked him or Near.


A/N: This is for XlasttoknowyouredeadX as the 250th review on "Focus" All she asked was for angst/comfort, and the specific seme/uke (which I don't tell, to prevent ruining it for you). I was going to continue Focus tonight, but I'm in a real bad mood, because French is giving me some major issues, and all that. Hope you enjoy.

**Beautiful Disaster**

Matt was lounging on his bed as he watched his best friend come into their room. The blonde was uncharacteristically a total mess. His hair was sticking up in places. His clothes looked rumpled. His face was stained from salty tears, and his eyes were red and puffy. He had been crying. He _never_ cried.

"Mello? Are you ok?" He ventured the question out. He watched as the blonde crumpled to the ground, a sobbing mess. Slowly, he sat up, unsure of what to do. An angry or pissed off Mello, he could handle. But this was unfamiliar territory. "Mels? What's wrong?" He asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.

**He drowns in his dreams  
>An exquisite extreme I know<br>He's as damned as he seems  
>And more heaven than a heart could hold<br>And if I try to save him  
>My whole world could cave in<br>It just ain't right  
>It just ain't right<br>**

Mello raised his head slightly, just enough to catch Matt's eyes.

"He's dead, Matt. Kira got him. L is dead." Matt gasped and jumped to his feet in shock. That couldn't be right.

"What? That's not possible! L is the best detective in the _world_! Hell, he's the top three in the world! Kira can't kill him!" He spoke in denial. Mello jumped to his feet.

"Well, he is! Kira got to him, Matt! This is for real! L. Is. Dead!" Matt stared in shock as Mello choked on his words and sat down on his bed slowly. "He never picked a successor, Matt. Everything I worked for, and he never picked." A tear slid down his cheek again. It started slow, but he watched as more and more tears fell. He watched his best friend break before his very eyes. Their mentor, and the greatest detective to ever live, had been out played and killed by a criminal. Mello's dreams had been crushed. The world didn't make any sense at the moment, so why not throw it completely off? He knelt down, and grabbed Mello's hands in his own.

**Oh and I don't know  
>I don't know what he's after<br>But he's so beautiful  
>Such a beautiful disaster<br>And if I could hold on  
>Through the tears and the laughter<br>Would it be beautiful?  
>Or just a beautiful disaster<br>**

"What are you going to do, then? Are you and Near to work together?" He asked, hesitantly. Mello snorted, but surprisingly left his hands in his own. "Right, stupid question. So, what then?" He smiled weakly. Mello took a steadying breath.

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving Wammy's and England. I'll make my own way, and I'll beat Near once and for all. I will catch Kira without the name of "L" to stand behind. As my own name, Mello." His voice was strong through the explanation. Confident. Matt stared at him in horror.

"You're leaving Wammy's? London? England? _Me_?" Mello's eyes locked back onto Matt's, and he reached down to pull his goggles away. Matt recoiled.

"Please, Matt. Let me see your eyes one time, before I go. Just in case-" He trailed off, not wanting to speak the taboo words. Matt shook his head frantically.

"No. That won't happen." Mello looked ready to protests, so Matt interrupted. "No. Shut up. You won't die. You're too stubborn to die." He smirked. Mello laughed lightly.

**He's magic and myth  
>As strong as what I believe<br>A tragedy with  
>More damage than a soul should see<br>And do I try to change him?  
>So hard not to blame him<br>Hold on tight  
>Hold on tight<br>**

"Take me with you." Matt whispered. Mello's head snapped back to him, his eyes wide in fear.

"No." Was his simple and hard answer. Matt rolled his eyes.

"You'll need me, and you know it. Besides, if you leave me here, I'll just follow you. Track your every move. Be on my own, where I'm vulnerable." Matt smiled innocently as Mello glared at him.

"I don't want you in danger, Matt. Please, understand. You can't come."

**Oh 'cause I don't know  
>I don't know what he's after<br>But he's so beautiful  
>Such a beautiful disaster<br>And if I could hold on  
>Through the tears and the laughter<br>Would it be beautiful?  
>Or just a beautiful disaster<br>**

Matt's anger boiled in his blood. How dare he. Couldn't he see what he meant to him? Why was he allowed to risk his own life, and Matt couldn't be with him? To help him? Watch his back? Just to be together. He felt a sting behind his eyes, and bit his lip.

"Matt, please, don't. I'm not trying to hurt you. You just mean so much to me. You're the only person I have left that I truly lo-.." He stopped himself. Matt studied his panicked face. Was he going to say love? Mello cleared his throat. "You're the only friend I have left. Only real one I ever had. I can't be the reason you're hurt, or wind up dead. I want to know you are safe, here at Wammy's." Matt stood, and turned his back to the blonde. He took a calming breath, but it didn't help. His body tensed as he tried to hold back, but it was to no avail. He whirled back around to see that Mello had been watching him, and he looked surprised that Matt was angry.

**I'm longing for love and the logical  
>But he's only happy hysterical<br>I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
>Waited so long<br>So long  
><strong>

"You are the most, annoying, selfish, big headed, asshole, I have ever met! Do you hear yourself? _You_ want me to stay here, so that _your_ conscience can be clean. So that _you _know that _I _am safe." His hands gestured wildly, and Mello slowly stood as well.

"If I'm such a selfish asshole, then why do you even want to go with me?" He shot back, angrily.

"Apparently you're blind too! Do you really think that I can just sit here? Not knowing if _you_ are safe? If you're even alive? Wondering if you need me or even miss me." His voice cracked, and he looked away to gather himself before looking back. "No. I can't let you go on your own. I love you too much." He whispered. Mello's eyes bulged, and he gasped loudly.

**He's soft to the touch  
>But frayed at the end he breaks<br>He's never enough  
>And still he's more than I can take<br>**

He wasn't exactly sure who took the first step, or how it happened, but Matt did know, he was in absolute Heaven. Mello was pressed against him, kissing him breathless. Matt responded immediately, feeling the conflicting emotions roll off of Mello in waves. Pain, confusion, anger, sadness, worry, relief, passion, _love_. He pulled back for air, and Mello spoke.

"I don't want you to get hurt." He whispered, more tears falling. Matt smiled sweetly.

"Nothing would hurt more than being separated from you. Not knowing where you are or how you're doing." His thumbs wiped away the tears, and he kissed Mello lightly on the lips, backing him up to his bed. He stopped and tugged at Mello's shirt, getting it over his head before the blonde could think clearly, his soon following. He captured his lips once more, and let their bodies tumble to the bed.

**Oh 'cause I don't know  
>I don't know what he's after<br>But he's so beautiful  
>Such a beautiful disaster<br>And if I could hold on  
>Through the tears and the laughter<br>Would it be beautiful?  
>Or just a beautiful disaster<br>**

"Matt, I.." He didn't know how to voice his fears, and his breathing was shaky as Matt's hand ghosted over his denim clad erection.

"Shh, Mello. It's ok. It'll be ok." He looked at him doubtfully, and the red head sighed. "I know, Mels. But as much as you mean to me as my best friend, I want this. I want you. And if there is the slightest chance that you want this. That you want _me_, I want to take the risk, and be with you. Now, do you want me?" Mello bit his lip and nodded shyly. Matt smiled, and popped the button on Mello's dark jeans, sitting up to pull them, along with his boxers off. The blonde shuddered as the cool air his his naked and heated body, and his blue eyes watched as Matt's tongue darted out to hick his lips. A gasp escaped his throat as he felt his cock being taken into that delicious mouth. Matt's tongue swirled around him a few times as he slipped a finger into Mello's entrance. The blonde squirmed in discomfort, and Matt's finger brushed that bundle of nerves, causing him to gasp in pleasure. The red head smirked around the appendage in his mouth, and added another finger, working them in and out, scissoring them to add a third.

"Matt.. Please. I need you.. Now." Mello panted out. Matt removed his fingers and placed a kiss on the tip of Mello's leaking cock, smearing pre-cum over his lips. Mello watched as his tongue darted out to taste it, and Matt moaned. Mello bit his lip at the display, and unconsciously spread his legs a bit wider. "I love you, Matt." He said just as he lined up with him, ready to push his way in. Matt stopped and looked at him with a smile. Reaching up, he pulled his goggles off and dropped them to the floor. He slowly turned to his soon to be lover, and opened his eyes. Mello reached out, and held his face tenderly, searching the bright emerald orbs.

**He's beautiful  
>Such a beautiful disaster<br>**

"Why do you hide these? They are so amazing." Mello breathed, unable to speak correctly.

"And girly." Matt laughed. "They're so expressive. They always give me away, and I never thought in a million years you'd want me the way I want you, so I hid from you. So you wouldn't see the longing or desire. The love. The truth." He looked away ashamed, and Mello pulled him back, kissing him deeply. Matt pushed into his awaiting body, and the both groaned into the kiss. Matt moved slowly, waiting for the painful gasps and hisses to leave Mello's sounds, leaving behind only sounds of pleasure.

"More, Matty." Mello whispered, and Matt immediately let himself go, moving in a faster rhythm, but still keeping is sensual. He balanced on his right forearm, and allowed his left hand to run up and down Mello's side, starting at his ribs, and down his hip, and thigh, then back up to cup his face, pulling him in to a passionate kiss. Mello's own hands made their own paths. His left was wrapped around Matt's body, trailing up and down his back. His right moved over Matt's chest, and shoulder, lightly massaging his neck. Matt's hips shifted and Mello's back arched, his head back, and a loud moan escaped his lips.

"Shh. Everyone will hear, and we'll be in trouble." Matt laughed. Mello let out a whimper and bit his lip before breathing again.

"Let them hear. Let them all know you are _mine_." Mello's possessive side came out. Matt chucked and landed a particularly firm thrust against Mello's prostate, causing the man to cry out even louder. "Mmm.. That's it, Matty. Right there. Yesssss!" Matt's pace picked up slightly, and his hand wrapped around Mello's neglected member, rubbing circles in his leaking essence. Mello's eyes snapped open wide, and connected with Matt's striking green, and he cried out, as he came all over them bother. His body was strangling Matt, and the red head fought to not collapse from the tortuous pleasure. He made sure Mello rode out his orgasm before allowing his own to to spill. His movements became erratic, and he dropped his forehead to the sweaty one bellow him, never breaking eye contact, as his own orgasm took over. As he rode it out, he slowed, until he collapsed onto his lover, and rolled over slowly. Mello rolled with him, and curled into his side.

**_[Fading]_  
>Beautiful<br>(Beautiful disaster)  
>Beautiful disaster <strong>

"You're still not going." He heard Mello say. He laughed.

"Just try to stop me, Mels." He pulled his cigarette pack from his conveniently close by jeans, and lit one up.

"Mihael." Matt gave him a questioning look. "It's my real name. Mihael Keehl." Matt's heart swelled with love and happiness at the admission.

"You're German?" He feigned shock and horror. Mello slapped him. "I'm kidding! I'm sorry. Mine is Mail Jeevas." He spoke quietly, lest someone over hear. Mello smiled and nodded, pulling him into a kiss, before they relaxed, Matt put out his cigarette, and they fell asleep.

(-line-)

The next morning, Matt woke up and reached out to pull Mello closer, only to find cold sheets. Hie eyes snapped open, and he sat up. It couldn't have been a dream! His eyes scanned the room, and he noted he was indeed in _Mello's _bed. His clothes were scattered, but there was no Mello. He finally saw a piece of paper on the pillow next to him, and picked it up.

_Matt,_

_Please forgive me. I _do_ love you. That is why I left. I can't bare the thought of you being in danger for me. I beg you, please stay safe, and I will come back for you. I promise, I will. Either when you turn 18, or Kira is dead. Whichever comes first. To make a compromise, I will tell you my plan at the moment is to fly to Los Angeles I know you and your amazing hacking skills. You'll easily follow and trace me. That way, you will know if I'm ever in trouble. Be my guardian angel, Matt._

_Forever yours,_

_Mello_

Matt's anger dissipated, and he dropped the note. He knew he would do as Mello told him to, just like a good puppy. He would wait here and wait for Mello, until he was needed, or he was an adult. Just like his master asked.. No.. Demanded. There was no use in being angry at Mello for his own choices. He slowly climbed out of bed and got his laptop, easily hacking into the airport security footage, and following Mello to his gate to leave for Los Angeles.

_Yes, Mello. I'll be watching you. Every step of the way. And when you need me, I'll be there, cause you are _my_ Beautiful Disaster._

A/N: So, this went differently than planned. Lol. Thinking of making it a two-shot.. Let me know what you think, please?

Song Used:

"Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson


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